Almost Emptyness

How can one be filled with emptyness?
I improve,
how is it that emptyness fills,
no matter how, it does.

I seemed so happy and carefree,
before i heard what you told me,
In that one instant in which you spoke,
defying logic with chaotic opposition,
my heart sank,
and drowned,
WHY?!
i screamed,
silently,
and then, with the most intense desperation,
I clung to our wonderful moments,
before the present expression of your lips,
you know, those lips that kiss cancer sticks,
my eyes welled with tears.

This is unbelieveable,
and whatnot else words that express,
me,
once an infinate happiness,
now i am told,
infinity wilt, not last forever,
decieving,
hopefilled, happy thoughts,
chicanery is your game.

We have our love,
I swear to you will last forever,
sadly though, our memories will fade,
and finally diminish,
whenever,
you go I am sure to be lost,
most macabre to imagine,
a me with you already passed,
the time between,
we must make last,
I feel as if now we must rush,
so much we haven't done.

At least I know now,
but knowledge for me be a burden,
I know not wether your words,
or none,
be better for me,
only the future can say,
while thanks to you I have confidence,
in my future,
there lay guarentee.

Everyday I desparately grasp to just say,
i love you, (so simple, and yet, so complex),
in fear that maybe soon you'll pass without my words of goodbye,
but I can't bring myself to do it,
I refuse to let you go.

True the tear you saw was only 1,
yet in spirit I cried a raging river,
as i still do,
trying to fill your "almost emptyness".