BAB

Blake, my love,
you make me laugh when there's nothing to even laugh about. it's like you just take oxygen and convert it into hilarious. you're blog is the perfect combination of culture, humor, personality and the beauty in truth. i don't know how you pull it off, but then again, you are the one and only Black Banana.

much ❤
T. Kozlowski

.truth.

it comes to me in a daydream,
clouds drift by,
unveiling lifetimes of memories.
the wind blows,
spirits whisper their stories flowingly,
it smells like freedom. it smells like love.
a bird flies into the bush in front of me,
she eats a small red berry, the gifts of Mother Earth,
and sings her song melodiously.
so real. so absolute.
everything just flows so harmoniously,
as I take it all in,
I conclude; I have discovered truth.
and I think to myself.
am i alone?

sometimes i wonder

hmmm...
when i see you i still get that butterfly feeling,
i'm wondering if you feel it too.
everytime i get a moment of silence and solitude,
my mind leads me back to you.
the "old times " build up inside,
but we just wern't able to make it work.
then all i want to do is hold your hand,
even if only for the friendship it's worth.
hmmm...
silently, sometimes i'd think of what "future times" might prove,
now i wonder if you feel it too.

Almost Emptyness

How can one be filled with emptyness?
I improve,
how is it that emptyness fills,
no matter how, it does.

I seemed so happy and carefree,
before i heard what you told me,
In that one instant in which you spoke,
defying logic with chaotic opposition,
my heart sank,
and drowned,
WHY?!
i screamed,
silently,
and then, with the most intense desperation,
I clung to our wonderful moments,
before the present expression of your lips,
you know, those lips that kiss cancer sticks,
my eyes welled with tears.

This is unbelieveable,
and whatnot else words that express,
me,
once an infinate happiness,
now i am told,
infinity wilt, not last forever,
decieving,
hopefilled, happy thoughts,
chicanery is your game.

We have our love,
I swear to you will last forever,
sadly though, our memories will fade,
and finally diminish,
whenever,
you go I am sure to be lost,
most macabre to imagine,
a me with you already passed,
the time between,
we must make last,
I feel as if now we must rush,
so much we haven't done.

At least I know now,
but knowledge for me be a burden,
I know not wether your words,
or none,
be better for me,
only the future can say,
while thanks to you I have confidence,
in my future,
there lay guarentee.

Everyday I desparately grasp to just say,
i love you, (so simple, and yet, so complex),
in fear that maybe soon you'll pass without my words of goodbye,
but I can't bring myself to do it,
I refuse to let you go.

True the tear you saw was only 1,
yet in spirit I cried a raging river,
as i still do,
trying to fill your "almost emptyness".

take me back to truth

waking up daily,
blah, blah, blah,

from tedious urban,
to timeless pastorial,

take me back to truth,
to nature and all the sweet simple wonders of life.

And so I say....

the world can SUCK IT!
and by it, i mean PEANESS.
the end.
=]

define edge

have you seen the edge?
the place containing an invisible line that separates me from you,
the place that determines your worth,
the place you had that the other girls just don't,
the place where you were, just one "inch" ago,
the place that borders and protects...us now,
the place where we choose to live so carelessly and free,
the place my voice went, to say how much i loved you, and run,
the place the doctors use to make the incision,
the place that it seems you've left me for, in heaven,
the place that i ended up cause i'd had enough by then,
have you seen the edge?
come closer to it.
to me.
where is the edge for you?

birthday

hmmm...
5-11-09
my birthday,
again.
so today was ok...reflecting, I feel I have done so much growing. when I was younger, (about 5yrs) I had a talk with my beautiful father about growing up. I remember looking down at my pink barbie doll skates, rolling back and forth as he was talking, thinking to myself, "yea, but...". haha. I remember thinking to myself that what he was saying, "that I would grow up and my likes/dislikes would change and I would become a different person" was true to an extent, I would grow taller, but I would always be the same me, in my mind. And in a way, I was right, but now that i'm older I see what he meant. I am the same me, in my mind, that i've always been, and I never thought i'd change, but I have in a way. I'm me amplified! haha. I think it's funny too, how i've always been relatively the same person, but people treat me differently, simply because i'm older. I remember, when I was younger, I would want to talk with the "grown-ups". They were the only ones that ever talked about anything worthwhile. I didn't want to be with people my age, all they wanted to talk about was cool new toys, blah blah and infantile subjects. I never fit in. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I have broadened my interests in the world since then and learned more about the person i truly am. Actually, what i've learned is, i'm "weird" and I still don't "fit-it". haha. it's great though. At least now i'm in a more understanding time in my life where I can be comfortable with "just me". Life and all it's wonders never cease to amaze.

build me up

*i did not write this one*


"Build me up...
I tire of the back-biting,
sniping,
tear-everyone-down-who-does-not-agree-with-me-attitude.
what happened to respect?
listen to what I am saying...
don't just wait for me to stop talking so you can continue...
be aware that yours is not the only point of view...
there is more than one side...
each is valid...
listen...
build me up...
don't tear me down..."

-azsky13

"we're meant to die, that's what makes anything about us matter" -Aeon Flux
*****-damn good movie.

...just think about it.

~the essence of being human~

"The essence of being human is that one doesn't seek perfection, that one is sometimes willing to commit sin for the sake of loyalty, that one does not push asceticism to the point where it makes friendly intercourse impossible, and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one's love upon other human individual."



-George Orwell

"too dark"?

i'm often told, upon beholding my artwork, that it's "too dark". i think it's because I am "too dark". I never take things that claim to be pure for what they appear to be, i always feel as if something is lurking there, in the shadows. still, i find an odd comfort in darkness. the quote, "...there is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night." from the myth, Sisyphus, explains it best. you see, light can not exist without darkness, think about it, how would you detirmine how light something was if you never knew darkness? Basically, i believe there must be a balance. I find comfort in darkness, because without it, there is nothingness; that's what really scares me. i feel a deep connection with all that is dark, because it's different, it "pushes the envelope". some people say black is not a color, and it is only an absence of light. but for the people that dwell in it and find trueness in black it means so much. how can you tell someone they live their lives in an "absence"? and what good is a lifetime of days that are all the same?

allowed to love

am i wrong or is my love mine?
let me elaborate. I mean to say, do i not have a right to love whoever i want to?
i thought i did, apparently, it's not so.
i don't know what makes people think they can tell me who to love and who not to, or what's "right" and what's "wrong". i mean really people, you know who you are, your opinion means nothing to me other than just that, your opinion. i'll decide weather or not i wish to entertain it with my consideration.
I know who i am. I know what's "right" and "wrong" for me. and that's all that matters really, me.
It's sounds self-absorbant, this i know, but in the end that's all i have and you people have continuously proved that to be true.

I will love who I will.