bedbug

i left my bed a total of 4 times today. what a great day.
=)

so in my dream...

i was asked what would i suggest the teachers teach next year to make BHS the best school it could be. i wrote down 5 words in the order listed below .
1. inspire.
2. create.
3. respect.
4. tolerate.
5. ?????

i feel incomplete because i forgot #5...ughhh, this would happen to me. i feel like it's the missing piece that will complete my life...
damn.

"lost with no direction, my faith is shaken"

Miley Cyrus knows what i mean.

i feel empty.
i don't know what's next.
it's weird.
it's like i lost my purpose, kinda feels like i never had one.
i sit there and stare into the nothingness ahead of me.
not knowing when i'll stop finally get up and do something.
anything.
i just sit there failed attempts at grasping an agenda.
i've lost my purpose, and with that, i've lost my hope.
i was told i'm too young for that.
i asked how can i be too young to feel something.
i got no reply.
i'm numb to it now.
all my life i've been told i'm too young.
twisted maturity.
despite my being "too young for this" the feeling is all too real.
so tell my heart i'm too young.
and tell my head to "wait up".

fate

it's a funny thing;
i was sure my life was destined to be intertwined with yours,
we'd be like romeo and juliet.
but fate,
she had other plans.

now what?

home

when you don't know where to go or who to turn to, turn back and head home to the one that loves you unconditionally.

silent pain

have you ever seen it?
that look in someone's eyes when they smile,
they appear to be fine,
but inside they're dying.
too much to hide,
not enough to explode,
stuck in the middle,
with nowhere to go.
so it just builds up,
and it drives them crazy,
being pushed to the brink,
tears make their eyes hazy.
next time you see them you'll wonder,
look for it,
when they're head is down,
when they're plainfaced and quiet.

purpose

i am Pocahontas,

i need guidance,

my compass keeps spinning.

very old soul

"When the winds of change blow, you sense the outcome ahead of others, having seen so much before. Surprises come in smaller forms to you, as in the unexpected experiences of the senses, deepening your appreciation of the physical. You want life to last so you can explore your mature understanding of existence. You have become patient with the younger souls, understanding their paths and of the challenges they face. You forgive much, often acting as mentor without pushing your beliefs upon others. You give without great expectations of receiving. Love has become the most valued concept in your universe - this life may be your quest to perfect your ability to express and receive perfect love. Thoughts of dying do not fill you with dread, as you understand death is a part of life, and life is a process of becoming... so death is a graduation, not an end. At rest, you feel at one with the universe and are grateful for your current home, Earth. Very old souls are adept at recognizing other old souls... mutual respect forms naturally between them." -facebook quizzes

Facebook knows me. It's scary how much i connect with this. it's me. and sometimes i wonder if my being young in age will cause me to be single for all of my teen and young-adult years. it's weird being stuck in a younger body when i feel so "old", for lack of a better word, well, for the purpose of my being to lazy to think of one at the moment. is there hope?

...zoom, zoom...

life is zipping by right now,
i'm finally living,
now i can't seem to find a purpose,
which direction do i go in next,
and where am i going anyway,
i can't write a poem today,
...
maybe later...
it's hard to live until the feeling's right,
and it's hard to capture when you live in the limelight.

The Queen of the Night

"I could see it every night for the rest of my life and probably still wouldn't understand it. Is the Queen of the Night a villaness or isn't she? Is she a she-demon and a witch, or is she "die sternflammende Konigin" {translation: the blazing star Queen}? The work is so fantastically confusing and contradictory that it's impossible to unravel." -Edmonde (in The Queen Of The Night)

The metaphorical dimensions in this book are absolutely astounding. It's so deep. This book is a GREAT read but it should have a disclaimer [it may be socially awkward at first]. It's only for those who can look past the surface and see a deeper meaning. The vocab is a bit demanding too. =) still, I would recommend this book to everyone who values life, but i know it can only be understood by "select few".

math class daydream

The first time we kissed,
the most breath-taking impression of softness,
lips, cheeks, back, thighs,
even with muscle your body curves, lush,
not rough or sharp.
Unlike most stories,
beginning, middle and end,
we flow,
not knowing where you end and I begin.
Your natural essence,
that inexplicable aroma,
keeps me going,
craving more.
The feel of your ribcage under my fingertips,
suhweet,
a flash of emotional connection,
followed by a blur of pure passion.
We're here, and no abyss to reach across,
save for,
the moment i look into your eyes,
like diving into the depths of a calm, cool, reflective lake.
and i wake up...everyone starring, waiting for an answer,
...uhhhh, 8?!